Showing posts with label deployment. Show all posts
homecoming
It's getting closer and closer to Nick returning home, and I don't think it's really hit me yet. I don't even know what to say or think. I spend more and more of my days imagining his return, and many of my nights dreaming about running into his arms... but at the same time it doesn't seem real. I don't really believe that he will ever come home.Maybe it's a defense or coping mechanism, because if I spent every minute of his absence dreaming about his homecoming I would have never survived the past 6+ months. It just seems so surreal. I know I had a similar feeling when he was gone for 14 weeks during boot camp and AIT, but it still doesn't seem right. I should be counting down the days and making banners and throwing a party, but I just can't seem to let myself get excited.
Having said that, I can't wait for Nick to come home. I want to spend at least a full 24 hours lying next to him with his arms wrapped around me without saying a word. I look forward to enjoying the little things in life together again, and making new memories with every passing day. I want to live each day without feeling as if my life is on hold. I want to set our plans in motion for the next few years.
Most of all, I want to feel married again.
Nick and I were together for 6 years when we got married.... and it seems he's been gone since the day he became my husband. We got married in August and he was gone for AT by September. He came home a month later, and left again December 5 for pre-deployment training. He hasn't been back home since.
As sad as I am to admit it, I don't even remember what it's like to have him home. He was gone for nearly all of 2009, and halfway through 2010 he has yet to be here.
The end can't come soon enough.
I feel GREAT
They say that exercise is the best therapy for your mood, and after a week of establishing a daily running routine I have to agree. I've only been running a mile every morning, but it's amazing how great I feel. You have to understand that although I was very athletic growing up, I have NEVER had endurance. I played softball for 10 years and even ran track in middle school and was recruited to run in high school, but I was a sprinter- 100 yds max. Running long distances has always been a challenge for me. But for the first time in my life, I'm facing that challenge head on.One of the main problems I've had with exercising as an adult is establishing a routine and sticking to it. I can find an excuse to take a day off on any day of the week. It's only been a week, but already I've fought great excuses to maintain my motivation. When I woke up Friday morning after increasing my weights at my class at the Y the night before, I could barely walk down the stairs... and I still found the motivation to run. On Saturday morning when I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a bus, I still laced up my shoes and hit the road. And today when I woke up to pouring rain, I put on a hat and watched the rain fill the lake as I ran by.
When I started running last week I was having a lot of pain in my ankles and knees, and assumed that the old, worn-down shoes I was wearing didn't help. After a few recommendations from friends I made a special trip to Fleet Feet to get fitted for running shoes. I couldn't have been more impressed. I was there for nearly 2 hours while the salesman measured and inspected every inch of my feet, and found the perfect choices for me. He even went as far as watching me run on the sidewalk in each of the 3 pairs of shoes he had chosen, to make sure they were keeping my feet and joints aligned while I ran. It was an amazing experience. I left with brand new Mizunos complete with padded inserts, 4 pairs of fancy socks, new shorts and shirts (who knew you weren't supposed to run in cotton?), and a big smile on my face. If you're in need of new shoes or have never been fitted for the right shoe, I highly recommend them.
As if I needed another reason to feel great, Nick will officially be home before I know it. I can't give a specific date (as if the military would even let me know one), but it will be MONTHS earlier than expected. I'm on top of the world, but mostly still in shock. It just doesn't seem real. As crazy as it sounds, I don't think I allowed myself to believe that he would ever come home. We all deal with deployments differently, and the only way I knew how to adjust to life without him was to imagine that my life would always be without him. That brings me to another subject... I'm so nervous about his return. I'm finally in a place where I have established my own routine and found contentment as a pseudo-single adult, and I'm terrified of readjusting to having him home again. Not that I would trade it for anything in the world... it's just a little scary. I can still hear myself telling him multiple times a day after he returned from BCT that he was doing something wrong, because that's not how we did it here anymore. I have to remind myself that it's okay for the dog bowl to move to a different location, or for the laundry to quadruple in size, or for the bed to shrink to half of it's size... it's just great to have him home. I was talking to a friend of mine the other night at dinner about my worries and concerns when he comes home, and she reminded me that I feel this way EVERY time he's about to return after a long absence. She also reminded me that I worry myself for nothing, because after about 2 weeks of readjusting and fitting him back into each day, it's like he never left. She couldn't be more right.
In other news, I'm hosting one of my best friend's baby showers next weekend! The details are coming together and I'm busy working hard on some final touches, but I can't elaborate yet because she likes to quietly stalk this blog. I really hope this shower proves to be everything she has hoped for... and I can't wait for little Caroline to be here! If there's one thing I've been missing in Nashville for the last few years, it's a cute little baby around to spoil rotten :)
happy Sunday!
something's missing
There's only one word to describe the way I've been feeling lately... 'blah'. I have an overwhelming sense of boredom with my life, like something's missing. I spend hours every day dreaming about new careers, having a baby, moving to a new place... the list goes on and on. I'm just not happy with my life right now. I want something new, something exciting, and something to remind me that I'm alive.But of course there IS something missing from my life... Nick. My best friend, my husband, my shoulder to lean on, the person I share everything with... is not here. I guess it's natural for me to feel the way I do. I know I have to go on without him, I just can't figure out what I can change right now to make everything better.
I miss him so much. Sometimes I think I can't go another day without him, and other times I worry that he will be home too soon before I can readjust to having him here again. It may sound crazy, but there are so many mixed emotions that go into a deployment. And I know he feels the same way... he's told me that although he can't wait to be home again and have me in his arms, he's never felt more pride or success than he's felt during this deployment. I don't take it personally... I really do understand.
On a side note, I ran 2 miles today. I'm still a really long way away from the 13.1 miles I'll be running in September, but it was my very first run (I had to wait for my tattoo to heal), and at least it's a start.
still holding
Nick called this morning (if 3am can be considered morning), and we were able to talk for over an hour for the first time in a long time. The call quality was miraculously great, so we were able to enjoy our first frustration-free long talk since he left. We spent most of our conversation talking about our future... his career plans, where we'll live, children, our goals... it was magical. I was on cloud nine, and so was he. It was so nice to dream about what is to come, and what it will be like to have him by my side again.I went to bed shortly after his call, and woke up to the harsh reality that is our lives. Yes our dreams are attainable and realistic, but they seem so far away right now. It feels like this deployment will never end. He's not here, my family is back in NC, and my life is back on hold. Even with the rumors of a possible return home 3 months earlier than scheduled, it seems like that time will never come. It feels like our future really is one big dream... a dream that will never come true. I try to tell myself that this deployment WILL end, we WILL have children someday (hopefully sooner rather than later), and I WILL wake up in his arms again. But no matter how hard I try, no logic can shake the feeling of waiting... and waiting... and waiting for disappointment. I'm ready for the next chapter in our lives, and the next "big thing"... whatever that is. I'm just ready to move on from 2010. Because let's face it, 2010 has sucked a big one so far.
my heart hurts
This deployment is a daily struggle... and right now I'm losing miserably. I can't go one second without thinking of Nick, and missing him terribly. I've been crying myself to sleep every night. I've managed to keep my days busy, but my nights seem to get lonelier and lonelier. If I close my eyes I can actually feel his arms around me, and the touch of his lips on my neck. I try to put a brave smile on my face every day, but it's getting harder and harder. I know I've got 8 1/2 more months to survive without him, but some days I don't know how I'm going to do it.Nick is my rock. I turn to him for everything. It's hard for most people to understand what it feels like to have your best friend ripped from your life for an entire year. I'm still learning what it feels like every day. I hate not being able to share the little details of my day with him, and I feel like we're missing out on so much together. Weekly conversations with poor call reception can't begin to compare to sharing our lives together. I know we have a lifetime to look forward to together, but sometimes I want that lifetime to begin now. I'm trying my best to speed through 2010 with a bright red cape flowing from my shoulders, but it's all just an act. The truth is, I can't live without him. He makes me whole, and makes every day of life worth living.
As bad as I feel right now, I can't imagine my life without him. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be, or how miserable I would be, if I didn't know that he'd be coming home to me by the end of the year. Everything is so much better when he's here.
To all the single ladies out there, I hope you find you're Prince Charming. Because when you do, you won't remember what life was like before you met him.
jinxed again
As usual I've managed to jinx myself. I was just bragging to Nick and my mom about how well I was handling everything... I was going on and on about accepting things you can't change and making the best of them, like having your husband on the other side of the world months away from coming home. I talked about staying busy and happy, and that this deployment wasn't as bad as I thought it would be- and I truly believed that at the time. It WAS going great, I WAS doing well, and I felt so confident that the next 9+ months would be gone before I knew it. I was so happy, and enjoying every minute of life.It always amazes me how quickly things change.
I've found myself cuddling on the sofa with my dogs tonight and crying for hours. Well, not really crying, but being sad and lonely with tears in my eyes. I miss him so much right now it hurts.
I'm sad that he's not sitting on the sofa next to me... I'm sad that he won't be here tomorrow to garden in the patio and enjoy the beautiful Spring sun... I'm sad that I ate a lonely meal at one of our favorite little diners all alone today... I'm sad that he won't even recognize our house when he gets home... I'm sad that it keeps getting longer and longer before we'll start a family... I'm sad that Summer, and our anniversary, and my birthday, and Halloween, and Thanksgiving, and so many special events in between will be spent without him. I'm just sad... REALLY sad.
I'll be fine tomorrow, and once again back to thinking that this deployment and the military life ahead of us is no big deal. Being an Army wife is emotionally draining, to say the least. I never know how I'll feel from one day to the next. I'm currently reading Under the Sabers, the book behind the tv show Army Wives, and I'm sure that's not helping my mood much today. I was hoping to find it inspirational and positive, but instead it's been all too real to enjoy. It also reminds me how much I wish I had more of an Army support system here. The National Guard sucks. All the same hardship and challenges that an Active Duty family faces, without the support and resources that a base offers.
When people that have no ties to the military find out that your husband is deployed for the next year, they look at you like someone has just died. I know they mean well, but they don't make it any easier. If one more person asks me if I'm scared something will happen to Nick while he's gone, I might just scream. No, actually I try not to think about it, but thanks for reminding me that my husband could die before our 1 year anniversary. Was I the only one taught to think before I speak? I'd much rather people respond by acting like I'd just said my husband was on a short business trip, or golfing with friends for the weekend. I don't want to dwell on the situation any more than I have to, so please don't make me. If I want to talk about how much it sucks to talk to your husband through bad internet reception one day a week, and sometimes forget every detail of their face without studying a picture, I'll be sure to let you know.
Yesterday I was sitting around thinking about Nick when I realized that I miss fighting with him. I don't know that I miss the huge blowout fights that defined our relationship years ago, but I do miss the frequent arguments over trivial insignificant things. I think that's when I realized that my longing for him had reached a whole new level. I just miss every little thing... the good and the bad. And I miss my best friend.
another day down
Nick has made it safely to his second destination overseas. They lost a day traveling, which as he put it is a good thing because it means he's one day closer to coming home. The time zone difference is significant, and an adjustment for both of us. It makes it a lot harder to communicate around my work schedule. I'll only be hearing from him every few days for the next couple of weeks until they get settled at their main base. I'm hoping that communication will be more often after that, but it will all depend on the frequency and length of their missions. For now I'm just glad to know that he is safe and comfortable... and closer to coming home every day.Here is a photo Nick took while they were still working hard in Mississippi:
I'm okay.
It's amazing the difference a day can make. My Sunday has been busy getting back into the routine of everyday life. There was laundry to be done, floors to be cleaned, and errands to be run. I've also spent a good majority of today making my first care package for Nick to celebrate Valentine's Day.It wasn't that I didn't miss Nick today- I always miss him when he's gone- but I didn't let it consume every minute of my day. I focused on myself, and tried to ignore my aching heart as much as possible.
My career as an RN officially begins tomorrow. I am finally done with all of the general company and nursing orientation, and will start my first day on the floor at 7am. I'm a little nervous and anxious because it's been so long since I've worked in the hospital (my last clinical was Nov 14!), but mostly I'm excited. A part of me never thought I'd get to this point, because the last year has been so challenging. I never doubted that I would do well in nursing school, but I doubted I would survive our first year in the military. But here I am, ready to face anything and everything thrown my way head on. I can survive anything- WE can survive anything- and the more challenges we face together, the closer and stronger we are.
I can do this. I'll never stop missing Nick or counting down the days until he comes home, but I will survive our first deployment. Every day will get a little better than the day before, because I will be one day closer to being with my husband again. Whether we endure one deployment or twenty, we will make it.
"It's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. And we're going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day." ~the Notebook
one day at a time.
This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I said goodbye to my husband today knowing that I am sending him off to war, and won't be seeing him again for 10 months.I don't even know if there are words to express how I'm feeling right now. Part of me feels like spending the next year without him is impossible, but part of me knows that I can do this... and 10 months really isn't that long when you're going to spend the rest of your life with your best friend. Either way I'm sad, a little depressed, and can't wait to start counting down for his return.
The initial goodbye this morning was awful. It was emotional, painful, and something I wish I could go the rest of my life without ever experiencing again. But after the first few hours of my long ride home I was doing better... I was focused on getting home, and putting this horrible day behind us. But then I picked the dogs up from boarding at the vet.
I don't know what happened. I talk to the dogs a lot when Nick is away, so on our ride home I told them that he said hey and he missed them... just like he asked me to do. I think at that very moment reality set in. I realized I was only a few miles away from my lonely home in Nashville, and back to a life of just me and the dogs in a cold, empty house. I cried uncontrollably for a while, and continued to break into tears for the next few hours.
Now that it's getting late and the day is almost over, I'm a little better than before. I still wish that this wasn't our reality right now, but I am so proud of everything he does. I'm ready to get back into my routine and a steady social life with my TN girls, and I'm ready to focus on my new career as a registered nurse. As I've said before, distractions are invaluable.
I know I will be crying myself to sleep tonight and remembering just 24 hours ago when I was comforted by his arms around me, but I hope tomorrow is better. I hope that it only takes a short time to get over the events of today. I hope that 2010 flies by, but most of all I hope that my husband is returned home safely. I can survive without him for 10 months, but there's no way I could survive the rest of my life without him by my side.
so. freaking. tired.
Today I survived the first day of computer training for my new job. It was a long, painful process. It's amazing how exhausted you can be after 8 hours of boredom. I'm a quick thinker, a quick worker, and a quick learner... and this training class was not designed for people like me. The only thing that made the day worthwhile was knowing I was making pretty good money for doing something that only required the comprehension and skill of a first grader.On a good note, I'll be on my way to Mississippi to see Nick in 11 short days! I can't believe his leave is almost here. The first few weeks went by fast, but I've started to miss him more and more in the last few days. I would do just about anything to kiss him right now. It's only been 22 days since I last saw him, which is a sad reminder of just how long this deployment is going to be. I know I can do it and will be fine, but I just don't want to. Oh well... I accepted it a long time ago, and I'm just ready for him to leave so that we will be closer to the day he comes home.
We had our annual girls' trip to Gatlinburg this past weekend, and it was awesome as always. We make great memories together. Sometimes I forget how many great friends I have in TN.
Tomorrow will be another boring day of computer training, but luckily we should be done by noon. I'm not looking forward to it. Next week will be much more exciting... a few days of nursing orientation, a trip to Chattanooga to see the fam, and finally taking the NCLEX! I should be very close to having some beautiful letters behind my name. I will write them proudly every chance I get :)
all on my own
I miss Nick like crazy, but having him gone is definitely a blessing in disguise. I may not have thought that a few years ago, but when he's gone I realize how independent and strong I can be on my own. I'm also glad I chose to stay in Nashville during the deployment. The comfort and support of family members is wonderful, but learning that you can survive anything on your own is invaluable.Prior to this past year of military life, Nick and I had only been apart once. It was the first time I was truly independent, and I learned so much about myself. Of course some days are hard, but other days you can hold your head up high knowing that you're making a life for yourself all on your own. It sucks when the water heater breaks, or your house becomes infested with termites, or you're forced to move all of your belongings to a new place... but nothing compares to the joy of finding a solution and resolving the problem without the help of anyone else.
The year ahead is going to be a long and difficult one, but I know I will come out of it a stronger and better person. I know I can do it. I refuse to waste my days sitting around mourning our separation, or crying myself to sleep at night because he's not laying next to me. He is always in my heart and I know he will always come back to me. Even when I forget, he's always there to remind me just when I need it the most. I will miss him every minute of every day, but I feel fortunate that I have such a wonderful person to miss. He is my heart and my soul, and no matter where I am he's right there with me. The deployments may be long and I'm sure we have many more in our future, but we have a lifetime together. Our life together is just beginning. There will be so many great moments in our future together, and I can't wait to enjoy each and every one of them.
For now I will miss him with a smile on my face.
change is good, right?
During the holidays I made the decision to move back to NC- which made Nick very, very happy- but I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy. We've talked about moving back home for a long time now, and given my current employment situation and the impending deployment it seemed like the perfect time to make the move. I'm ecstatic about the thought of being surrounded by old friends and great family, but it's hard to leave the life I've created here in Nashville. I have great friends here and so much has happened in the 4 years we've lived in Tennessee. Most of all I'm scared about how I will handle my living situation in NC... I will be moving in with the in-laws, so it's great to know that I will be surrounded by family and won't have to live alone in the eerie quietness that plagues our house right now. But I don't know how it will really feel to give up my independence and the comfort of my own home. I haven't lived with anyone other than Nick for so many years, and I will be a guest in someone's house without my own space. We will save a ton of money if we're able to sell our house quickly, but I'm starting to wonder if it will be worth it. I also love the relationship I have with my in-laws, and I'm terrified that living with them will change it... I know from experience that living with someone changes everything. I've worked so hard to survive independently when Nick is gone, and it almost feels like I'm giving up or chickening out by moving back home. I'm 99% sure that moving to NC is the right move, but I can't seem to get the 1% of doubt out of my mind. If I make the move there will be no turning back, and that scares the hell out of me. I haven't lived in Winston for 8 years... what if I hate it? The only experience I've had there has been during holidays over the years and I know that I will probably be disappointed with the lack of excitement and entertainment on a day to day basis. Unfortunately I don't really have any more time to think about my decision, and I'm just going to have to go for it. I'm going to have to pretend to be a spontaneous person... not the OCD planner that I really am.So I'm going to do it. Nick is thrilled to know that I will have the support of our families during the deployment, and I think he will sleep a little more peacefully at night while he's gone. If nothing else, that makes the risk worth it.
Farewell, Nashville. You've been good to me but it's time to say goodbye. We'll always have 8.15.09.
goodbye 2009
I find it a little bittersweet to bid farewell to 2009... it was an amazing year. Nick and I had our 1st real year of military life, he completed basic training, AIT, and Scout Command school, we got married, I had my first trip out of the country to Costa Rica for our honeymoon, and I graduated from nursing school. I also turned 26, and if you know me at all you understand how important even numbers are :)Most importantly, Nick and I both achieved our dreams in 2009. We spent years talking about our ambitions and goals... his to join the military and serve his country, and mine to become a nurse and finally find a career I was passionate about.
As sad as it is to see 2009 come to an end, 2010 can only be better. Of course it will be sad to spend the year without Nick, but I only become stronger and learn more about myself every time he leaves. I will begin my career as a nurse, which is both exciting and challenging. There is also a really big change about to take place in my life... but I will have to wait and share that in a future post (and no, it's not a baby... yet).
so bring it on 2010!
dear military wives
Dear Military Wives,While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you
or your husband, I felt the need to write you and
express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.
I, as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things
head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100
miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am an
American woman that has no idea what is going on in
the military other than what I hear on the news.
I have never had to let go of someone so that they
could go fight for people that they didn't know,
people that sometimes do not appreciate or
understand what they are fighting for. I have never
had a sleepless night of worry because of a report
that another bomb has exploded and I still haven't
heard from my husband.
I have never had to wait for months on end to hold
the one that I loved. I have never had to tell my
children that daddy wasn't coming home tonight
because he was so far away fighting for something
that they aren't yet old enough to understand.
I have never had to hold my head high and suppress
the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six
months of separation before my loved one gets to
come home. I have never had to deal with a holiday
away from the one that I thought I would share
every day of my life with.
I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart
at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door
for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified
of getting.
For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I
understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you
must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn't be
angry, because you "knew what you were getting
into when you married a military man". I can not say
these things because I have never had to walk in
your shoes.
What I can say for certain is that because of your
unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands
willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just
another soldier", I will never have to walk in your
shoes.
I do understand that as a military wife you are
expected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I
never understood how you could do it, until now. I
have figured out that you are not like other women.
You are of a special breed. You have a strength
within you that holds life together in the darkest of
hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The
faith you have is what makes you stand out in a
crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell
with pride at the mention of The United States of
America.
You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a
glorious American.
I have more respect for your husband than I could
ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much
about those that the soldier leaves at home during
deployment.
Until this moment I could never put into words
exactly what America meant to me. Until this
moment, I had no real reason to. Until I heard of
you.
Your husband and his military family hold this nation
close, safe from those who wish to hurt us. But you
and those like you are the backbone of the American
family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts
alive while most would just break completely down.
Military families make this nation what it is today.
You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at
the end of a long dark tunnel.
Because of you and your family, I am able to be me.
I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free
in this great land. Because of you and your family, I
can look ahead to the future with the knowledge
that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your
family, I can awake to a new day, everyday.
I realize that you are a stronger person than I will
ever be because of these things and I just wanted to
take the time today to say thank you to you and
your family for allowing me that freedom.
I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is
unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that
no matter where you are, what you are doing, what
has happened today, or what will happen tomorrow,
Your husband will NEVER be "just another soldier" to
me! And you, dear sweet lady, will never be
forgotten.
You are all in my prayer's everyday and I pray that
God will bring you back together with your loved
one safely.
May God Bless You!
(Author Unknown)
oh sundays
If there's one thing I remember about the 14 weeks of basic training, it's that Sundays without Nick are the worst. I'm not really sure why... I don't know if it's the loneliness of ending a week without him, the fear of starting a new week without him, or just knowing that we usually spent our lazy Sundays together sitting around and watching football or movies. No matter what the reason, I always miss Nick the most on Sundays.I have something to look forward to this week... something great. My pinning ceremony is Thursday and I will officially be a nursing school graduate after the ceremony on Friday. It doesn't even seem real. I'm excited, but I will be much more excited when I take the NCLEX and actually receive my license as a registered nurse. I would also probably be more excited if Nick was going to be at graduation... or if any of my family was going to be at graduation. Luckily I have a lot of wonderful friends in Nashville that will be there to support me, and hopefully help me forget that Nick is not there. I'm being pinned with Nick's mother's nursing school pin, which is pretty much the coolest thing ever. Hopefully there will also be another nurse in our family in the future that can be pinned with the same pin as well. There's so much hard work and determination behind a nursing pin, and only a nurse can truly appreciate graduation from nursing school. It's unlike any other undergraduate degree.
Now back to watching a movie, crocheting, and drinking coffee... because that's what Sundays are for.
blah
It hasn’t even been 2 days yet, and already I’m starting to feel depressed and detached from the world. I can’t accept that I will be living this quiet, lonely life for the next year. I need a roommate, a new friend (with no life that wants to spend every waking moment with me), a new hobby… anything to distract myself from the silence. It will get better, it always does, but about the time I begin to get used to this new life it will be time to see Nick for Christmas- which is GREAT- but I’ll have to start all over again. I don’t do well with change. It’s always the little things that I miss the most… sitting around watching tv together, cooking dinner together, cuddling in bed on a Saturday morning, running errands around town… the list goes on and on. I just love having him by my side for everything that life brings- big and small. It’s times like this that I also regret living so far away from our families, because no one can replace the comfort and love that comes with family.(I never promised this blog would be uplifting, did I?)
One thing to be grateful for tonight… One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl. Distractions are invaluable right now.
goodbye soldier
Reality hit hard today, and I can’t say I was ready for it. I drove Nick to Springfield this morning to board a bus for training in Mississippi. The hard part was not seeing him go, it was the realization that he stepped out of our house this morning for the last time until they return in (hopefully) December 2010. I am grateful that I will be able to see him again for Christmas in 3 short weeks, but I also know that this marks the beginning of a long, difficult year ahead. I’m not a big fan of living alone, and I hate the silence that has already consumed this house. I didn’t plan on crying this morning and I was doing really well at first (I may still have been feeling some of the many drinks from last night), and then I joined the caravan through Springfield. The buses with ours soldiers, followed by 20+ family cars, were given a police escort through the town while hundreds of people lined the streets with flags and signs to bid farewell to the 278th. I’m pretty sure I had only passed about 5-10 people when I lost it. Realizing what that moment symbolized was too much for me to take. Of course my mind is also frequently invaded by the thoughts of the harsh realities of war, and this morning was no exception. Nick is my best friend, my husband, my rock, my life. I can’t imagine living in this world without him, and I hope more than anything that I never have to find out. I am so insanely proud of him though. There is nothing more honorable that what our soldiers do, and I am amazed by the courage and strength they exhibit each and every day. This is our first deployment, but it won’t be our last. And we will get through each one with the love that has bonded us for the last 6+ years, and I know it will make us stronger and closer than we’ve ever been. I will survive for my husband, our families, our friends, and what this country stands for. I’m an army wife… it’s what I do.let the freaking out begin.
I think it has finally hit me, and I'm starting to freak out... I only have 18 more days with Nick before he leaves. Of course I will get to see him for 5 days over Christmas before he is officially gone for 12 months, but I know those days are going to fly by. No amount of time is long enough with your best friend. We will be on our way to NC for Thanksgiving next week and will be spending Christmas in NC as well. I'm so excited to spend the holidays with our families this year, but I can't help thinking that the little time I have with my husband has to be shared with too many other people. It's important for him to have good quality time with his family before he goes overseas, but it doesn't leave much quality time for the two of us.While Nick was in basic training at Fort Benning, we began counting down the number of Sundays until we would see each other. It was a much more optimistic way of looking at things, because the number of Sundays left always sounds much better than the number of days left. Unfortunately this is how I count everything down now... and I only have 2 Sundays left until he leaves. On a good note, our last Sunday together will be spent on our drive back from NC. We are notorious for having our best conversations on long car rides because we never turn on the radio- not even on our 14 hour drives to and from Sarasota. As graduation nears I have more and more free time, so hopefully we will be able to spend every minute together during the last few days that he is in Nashville.
As hard as this is going to be on me, I can't help but remember that this is a million times worse for Nick. I am losing one person for 12 months, but he is losing a lot more.
I'm back
I've been wanting to write an update for a while, but I honestly haven't had time. Life has been crazy. I don't have much time to spare now, so I'll hit the highlights from the last few weeks:- I found my passion in nursing- peds hem/onc. I LOVE it. I don't know quite how to describe the feeling of finding what you were born to do in life, but it is amazing. Now I just have to figure out how to get there, because other plans are laid out for me at the moment.
- I have 51 days of nursing school left. Enough said.
- Last week my husband came home from training and I enjoyed the laziness of Fall break. Life was wonderful. My husband is still here but I'm back in school now, so it doesn't seem so wonderful anymore.
- Nick and I have only had 1 working car since he's been home, so we've been carpooling everyday. I really enjoy the good quality conversation with my husband every morning to start the day, but I could do without the 4am wakeup and getting home after 7pm. Everyday is long, and I'm exhausted. I'm ready for both cars to hit the road again.
- We've been married now for 68 days. It's amazing how quickly time flies.
- The deployment officially begins in 6 weeks. I hate how quickly time flies.
- I just remembered I'll be turning 26 in a little over a month. I like 26 because it's an even number, but it's a little too close to 30 than I'm comfortable with.
That's it for now...
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