change is good, right?

12:36:00 AM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

During the holidays I made the decision to move back to NC- which made Nick very, very happy- but I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy. We've talked about moving back home for a long time now, and given my current employment situation and the impending deployment it seemed like the perfect time to make the move. I'm ecstatic about the thought of being surrounded by old friends and great family, but it's hard to leave the life I've created here in Nashville. I have great friends here and so much has happened in the 4 years we've lived in Tennessee. Most of all I'm scared about how I will handle my living situation in NC... I will be moving in with the in-laws, so it's great to know that I will be surrounded by family and won't have to live alone in the eerie quietness that plagues our house right now. But I don't know how it will really feel to give up my independence and the comfort of my own home. I haven't lived with anyone other than Nick for so many years, and I will be a guest in someone's house without my own space. We will save a ton of money if we're able to sell our house quickly, but I'm starting to wonder if it will be worth it. I also love the relationship I have with my in-laws, and I'm terrified that living with them will change it... I know from experience that living with someone changes everything. I've worked so hard to survive independently when Nick is gone, and it almost feels like I'm giving up or chickening out by moving back home. I'm 99% sure that moving to NC is the right move, but I can't seem to get the 1% of doubt out of my mind. If I make the move there will be no turning back, and that scares the hell out of me. I haven't lived in Winston for 8 years... what if I hate it? The only experience I've had there has been during holidays over the years and I know that I will probably be disappointed with the lack of excitement and entertainment on a day to day basis. Unfortunately I don't really have any more time to think about my decision, and I'm just going to have to go for it. I'm going to have to pretend to be a spontaneous person... not the OCD planner that I really am.

So I'm going to do it. Nick is thrilled to know that I will have the support of our families during the deployment, and I think he will sleep a little more peacefully at night while he's gone. If nothing else, that makes the risk worth it.

Farewell, Nashville. You've been good to me but it's time to say goodbye. We'll always have 8.15.09.

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