still holding

4:40:00 PM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

Nick called this morning (if 3am can be considered morning), and we were able to talk for over an hour for the first time in a long time.  The call quality was miraculously great, so we were able to enjoy our first frustration-free long talk since he left.  We spent most of our conversation talking about our future... his career plans, where we'll live, children, our goals... it was magical.  I was on cloud nine, and so was he.  It was so nice to dream about what is to come, and what it will be like to have him by my side again.

I went to bed shortly after his call, and woke up to the harsh reality that is our lives.  Yes our dreams are attainable and realistic, but they seem so far away right now.  It feels like this deployment will never end.  He's not here, my family is back in NC, and my life is back on hold.  Even with the rumors of a possible return home 3 months earlier than scheduled, it seems like that time will never come.  It feels like our future really is one big dream... a dream that will never come true.  I try to tell myself that this deployment WILL end, we WILL have children someday (hopefully sooner rather than later), and I WILL wake up in his arms again.  But no matter how hard I try, no logic can shake the feeling of waiting... and waiting... and waiting for disappointment.  I'm ready for the next chapter in our lives, and the next "big thing"... whatever that is.  I'm just ready to move on from 2010.  Because let's face it, 2010 has sucked a big one so far.

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