something's missing

12:38:00 AM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

There's only one word to describe the way I've been feeling lately... 'blah'.  I have an overwhelming sense of boredom with my life, like something's missing.  I spend hours every day dreaming about new careers, having a baby, moving to a new place... the list goes on and on.  I'm just not happy with my life right now.  I want something new, something exciting, and something to remind me that I'm alive.

But of course there IS something missing from my life... Nick.  My best friend, my husband, my shoulder to lean on, the person I share everything with... is not here.  I guess it's natural for me to feel the way I do.  I know I have to go on without him, I just can't figure out what I can change right now to make everything better.

I miss him so much.  Sometimes I think I can't go another day without him, and other times I worry that he will be home too soon before I can readjust to having him here again.  It may sound crazy, but there are so many mixed emotions that go into a deployment.  And I know he feels the same way... he's told me that although he can't wait to be home again and have me in his arms, he's never felt more pride or success than he's felt during this deployment.  I don't take it personally... I really do understand.

On a side note, I ran 2 miles today.  I'm still a really long way away from the 13.1 miles I'll be running in September, but it was my very first run (I had to wait for my tattoo to heal), and at least it's a start.

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