11:51:00 PM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

It's getting closer and closer to Nick returning home, and I don't think it's really hit me yet.  I don't even know what to say or think.  I spend more and more of my days imagining his return, and many of my nights dreaming about running into his arms... but at the same time it doesn't seem real.  I don't really believe that he will ever come home.

Maybe it's a defense or coping mechanism, because if I spent every minute of his absence dreaming about his homecoming I would have never survived the past 6+ months.  It just seems so surreal.  I know I had a similar feeling when he was gone for 14 weeks during boot camp and AIT, but it still doesn't seem right.  I should be counting down the days and making banners and throwing a party, but I just can't seem to let myself get excited.

Having said that, I can't wait for Nick to come home.  I want to spend at least a full 24 hours lying next to him with his arms wrapped around me without saying a word.  I look forward to enjoying the little things in life together again, and making new memories with every passing day.  I want to live each day without feeling as if my life is on hold.  I want to set our plans in motion for the next few years.

Most of all, I want to feel married again.

Nick and I were together for 6 years when we got married.... and it seems he's been gone since the day he became my husband.  We got married in August and he was gone for AT by September.  He came home a month later, and left again December 5 for pre-deployment training.  He hasn't been back home since.

As sad as I am to admit it, I don't even remember what it's like to have him home.  He was gone for nearly all of 2009, and halfway through 2010 he has yet to be here.

The end can't come soon enough.

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