A little about our TTC journey...

12:02:00 PM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

Conceiving our little miracle baby was no easy task.  We spent over a year trying without success, until finally beginning fertility testing last summer/fall.  The news wasn’t good.  We learned that I didn’t ovulate regularly, if at all, and Nick’s little swimmers had a few problems of their own.  In short we were told it was “highly unlikely” that we would ever conceive naturally without medical intervention.  When you’ve been trying to conceive for what seems like an eternity, “highly unlikely” sounds just like “impossible”.  We were crushed.  

After a lot of thought and discussion (and crying on my part), we decided we would wait before our first IUI attempt.  It was just so overwhelming, and I knew I couldn’t emotionally handle it at the time.  Nick agreed, and we put our dreams on hold.  We began discussing adoption more seriously, and looking at all of the options for our future.

Sometime around the beginning of this year, I began to accept our fate.  It was truly a breakthrough.  It took months and months of depression and crying, but I made it.  I decided that rather than stressing over our fertility and starting a family, we should be cherishing our first few years of marriage as a free, young couple without any serious responsibilities.  For so long I felt like time was running out, but after this revelation I realized that 27/28 yrs old is YOUNG.  Really young.  We had plenty of time to do everything we wanted, and for now we would explore ourselves, our world, and our lives.  I felt relieved.  I felt free.

It had been so long since I had put a lot of thought into fertility, my period, or anything else related to baby-making.  I still can’t figure out what made me pee on that stick half-asleep the day my period was due (I wasn’t even late!).  Female intuition?  Who knows.  But you can imagine my absolute complete shock when I saw two beautiful pink lines appear almost immediately.  

My initial reaction wasn’t even excitement.  I didn’t know what to think.  I had finally accepted our fate and planned the next few years without babies.  I was only a few weeks away from my application being reviewed by the Army Reserve Nurse Corps board!  (this was part of my “live in the moment as a young free spirit” coping strategy).  This changed everything.  I’m a type-A hardcore OCD planner, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about having all of my plans turned upside down.

Of course that feeling didn’t last long (less than 24 hrs?!), and now I am full of nothing but excitement and anticipation for the weeks and months to come.  I haven’t felt this happy about anything in a long time… I wasn’t even sure I could be this happy anymore.  Infertility had sucked the joy and happiness out of my life for so long, and now this little poppyseed has already provided enough for a lifetime.   And so the real journey begins…

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