ugh, Sunday.I don't know what happened to the lazy, peaceful day I used to look forward to every week, but I've begun to hate everything about Sundays. When Nick was in BCT Sunday marked another week off of the countdown, but now they are a sad reminder that another week has ended and I don't feel any closer to Nick coming home. Sundays represent another week down, and too many more weeks to come without him. I hate being alone on Sundays, and I hate knowing that there is a lot of loneliness to come in the next 9 months. I know he'll be home again soon, but it just doesn't feel soon enough. He is everything to me.
I'm tired of living through the small, insignificant moments of life without anyone to share them with. I'm tired of the weekly conversations we have that never seem long enough. I'm tired of "getting used to" him being gone, and I'm tired of forgetting what it's even like when he's not away.
According to the loathed Donut of Misery, we've made it through 25% of this deployment. Not too bad, but it still makes me want to throw my computer through a window. If he was coming home tomorrow, it wouldn't be soon enough.
I need him here with his arms wrapped tight around me, reminding me that he is safe and sound. I need his friendship and a shoulder to lean on. I need to know that the rest of my life won't feel like it does now.
But since I can't have everything I want right now, I will focus on the good things. I will enjoy every minute of every conversation we have, and I will celebrate every day that we make it through this deployment. I'm so lucky to have him at all, even when he is on the other side of the world. At least I know he will be back home again someday. I can't wait to lay on a beach somewhere gazing at the stars together, just as we've always done. I can't wait to hear the door knob turn signaling his arrival home from work. I can't wait to share quiet dinners together and long morning lying in bed talking about our dreams and future.
I don't just love him... I adore him and everything he's done for me. He has made me who I am, and I couldn't be more grateful.