Jaclyn Armstrong

I think it has finally hit me, and I'm starting to freak out... I only have 18 more days with Nick before he leaves. Of course I will get to see him for 5 days over Christmas before he is officially gone for 12 months, but I know those days are going to fly by. No amount of time is long enough with your best friend. We will be on our way to NC for Thanksgiving next week and will be spending Christmas in NC as well. I'm so excited to spend the holidays with our families this year, but I can't help thinking that the little time I have with my husband has to be shared with too many other people. It's important for him to have good quality time with his family before he goes overseas, but it doesn't leave much quality time for the two of us.

While Nick was in basic training at Fort Benning, we began counting down the number of Sundays until we would see each other. It was a much more optimistic way of looking at things, because the number of Sundays left always sounds much better than the number of days left. Unfortunately this is how I count everything down now... and I only have 2 Sundays left until he leaves. On a good note, our last Sunday together will be spent on our drive back from NC. We are notorious for having our best conversations on long car rides because we never turn on the radio- not even on our 14 hour drives to and from Sarasota. As graduation nears I have more and more free time, so hopefully we will be able to spend every minute together during the last few days that he is in Nashville.

As hard as this is going to be on me, I can't help but remember that this is a million times worse for Nick. I am losing one person for 12 months, but he is losing a lot more.

I'm back! A lot sooner than I thought... I've had a lot on my mind lately. As graduation creeps closer and closer (32 days!), I'm beginning to wonder if I'm focusing too much on nursing. I'm finishing my applications to begin grad school next year, but there are so many other things I want to accomplish in life. Getting my doctorate has always been near the top of my lifelong goals, but I also want to focus on my painting and art, writing a book, starting a family, and spending time on the things in life that matter the most. I don't want to lose anything, I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to prioritize everything. I know once I start grad school all of my time and energy will be concentrated on nursing, and it scares me to think that so soon after the madness of the last 16 months I will have to give up everything else I love in life once again. Maybe I'm being dramatic... I really hope so. School has always been my first priority (sometimes even above my husband... sorry baby), so in a way I don't feel like I have a choice but to make the next step in my education. I really don't want to put it off, I just want to do everything now. I don't want to put anything off, but that's the reality of life. I know it will still be at least a couple more years before we begin adding little Armstrongs to the mix, since Nick will be leaving in 3 weeks and will gone all of next year.

Okay... I feel better now. It's amazing what writing can do for me. As always, once the words are written I realize that I'm anxious and stressed about nothing, and everything will work out the way it's supposed to do. If I'm meant to start grad school next fall, I should have an acceptance letter from an amazing nursing school in the next few months. And if not, then I will take that as the sign to focus on my art.

Don't forget to check out alittlesunshine.tumblr.com... it's probably more entertaining than the ramblings I leave here!

I'm notorious for starting things and not finishing them... not big things in life, just little things (i.e. books, painting, blogs, etc.). I get bored easily, and I love new things. This translates into my temporary abandonment of this blog and my new little bloglet- alittlesunshine.tumblr.com. For now, while I'm feeling too lazy to commit to full postings on this blog, you can read my short daily thoughts on tumblr. I'm sure I'll come back here one day... just give me a week or so to get bored with the new one :)

After weeks of cold, unpredictable, rainy weather, we've finally had a few days of beautiful fall weather with gorgeous skies and perfect temperatures. I've loved every minute of it, even if most of the time I've been trapped in the hospital or inside studying. I even went for a run around the lake today and enjoyed it. I don't think I've ever said I've enjoyed running, but I really did. The lake was gorgeous! It was the first time I've done anything active since I quit smoking, and my lungs felt great. I was so proud of myself. My plan is to run everyday this week, so we'll see how that goes. I usually only stick with things for a few weeks before getting bored. I could really use the exercise, because it's that wonderful time of the year when my body likes to store fat like I'm going into hibernation. I don't understand it. Wish me luck!

Best fix for the Monday morning blues? CC Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat" (Everybody Dance Now!). Thank you Woody & Jim. When it came on the radio this morning, it immediately took me back to the skating rink (aka "the good ol' days"). Growing up skate night was everything, and the reason to make it through the week without getting in trouble. Nothing could put a smile on my face like rollerblades and a sno-cone. Without skate night, life wouldn't have been worth living. I even had my first kiss at the skating rink in 6th grade... you know, the romantic first kiss with a group of 15 of your closest friends circled around cheering you on (thank you Nate, I will never forget it). I'm not sure skate night would have been the same without the great dance music of the 80s and 90s. Sugarhill Gang, Deelite, CC Music Factory, Daft Punk, & Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch were kept alive by preteens at skate nights everywhere. Some of the best nights of my life (well, at least my childhood) happened at the skating rink. ahh, memories :)

I've been wanting to write an update for a while, but I honestly haven't had time. Life has been crazy. I don't have much time to spare now, so I'll hit the highlights from the last few weeks:

I found my passion in nursing- peds hem/onc. I LOVE it. I don't know quite how to describe the feeling of finding what you were born to do in life, but it is amazing. Now I just have to figure out how to get there, because other plans are laid out for me at the moment.
I have 51 days of nursing school left. Enough said.
Last week my husband came home from training and I enjoyed the laziness of Fall break. Life was wonderful. My husband is still here but I'm back in school now, so it doesn't seem so wonderful anymore.
Nick and I have only had 1 working car since he's been home, so we've been carpooling everyday. I really enjoy the good quality conversation with my husband every morning to start the day, but I could do without the 4am wakeup and getting home after 7pm. Everyday is long, and I'm exhausted. I'm ready for both cars to hit the road again.
We've been married now for 68 days. It's amazing how quickly time flies.
The deployment officially begins in 6 weeks. I hate how quickly time flies.
I just remembered I'll be turning 26 in a little over a month. I like 26 because it's an even number, but it's a little too close to 30 than I'm comfortable with.

That's it for now...

Once again, Nick is gone... it isn't the first time, and unfortunately it won't be the last. He will be in Mississippi for the next 3 weeks for annual training, or as I like to call it "playing Cowboys and Indians". He left bright and early this morning on a fancy charter bus complete with satellite television. If I've learned one thing during the past year, it's not to feel too sorry for the troops and their rough conditions. Of course deployment is a different story, but during drill weekends and training they're usually living pretty nice and not working too hard. I mean, really, what boy doesn't dream of spending his time shooting guns and simulating war? It's all little boys do growing up. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge supporter of our troops and I'm more than happy knowing they're given nice accommodations and allowed to have a little fun when they're able to. After all, 12 months away from family and friends in the desert isn't my ideal vacation. They actually deserve more than they're given... they sacrifice their lives and defend our country, all in a day's work. And while we sit around and complain about not enough paid holidays or having to work a little late one night, you'll never hear a soldier complain about his job. They're proud of what they do, and they should be.

It's only been a few hours since Nick left, and already I miss him so much. If there's one thing I can thank the Army for, it's allowing me to never take my husband for granted. I spend too much time missing him and waiting for him to come home to not appreciate him when he's here. Sometimes all I feel like I do is wait... wait for him to come home, wait for the next assignment, wait for the next phone call. But it's all worth it... Nick is living his dream and reaching his goals, and I couldn't be more proud of him. Not to mention he looks pretty good in uniform.

I'm not a crier. We all have our moments (especially around a certain time of the month), but I rarely cry. I can hear tragic stories, watch heart-wrenching love stories, and witness the suffering and death of patients in the hospital, and although I'm sad I just don't cry. Call me cold-hearted, uncaring, whatever... but it's just how it is. I know deep down I'm a very compassionate person (and nurse!), but it doesn't usually show on the outside.

Recently, however, I've found that there is one thing that is guaranteed to bring tears to my eyes every time... the birth of a newborn. During my OB rotation this summer I observed anywhere from 2-5 deliveries in each 12-hour shift, and each time my eyes got just a little watery. I even found myself crying while watching TLC's "A Baby Story" yesterday. I don't know exactly what it is, but it gets me every time. I think it's a combination of the sheer joy and pride on the parent's faces the first time they see their baby, the overall exhilaration of the moment, and my own biological clock ticking louder and louder. I can only imagine what I'll be like during the birth of my own children... if you plan on being there you might want to wear a raincoat.