working mama: d-day
I've spent the last 48 hours browsing, researching, and over analyzing a backpack and lunch box for little man to take to daycare. I've compared sizes and materials, read hundreds of reviews, and stared at the same pictures over and over. Nick thought I was going completely insane. He didn't understand why it mattered... Just pick one! I began to wonder what was wrong with me, when I became this level of crazy, when it hit me... the more I stress about the perfect backpack and lunch box, the less I have to stress about the fact that Logan is starting daycare tomorrow.
This is how I deal with things. I can't handle the amount of anxiety that is growing inside of me as we near D-day, so I stress about the things that I have control over. Right now, all I have is a backpack and lunch box to distract me from what I'm really feeling inside. So in the hours leading up to tomorrow morning, I have researched, shopped, and spent hours creating lists and schedules and labeling everything I own with the name of the most precious thing in the world to me.
I still may be a little crazy. Probably a lot of crazy. But tonight I feel a little better packing Logan's things in a ridiculously overpriced toddler-sized backpack, and you can't put a price on peace of mind.
I was busy running around the house tonight getting everything ready when I said to Nick that I couldn't believe how stressed and anxious I was. He simply replied, it's just like every other night before your first day of school. Except that tomorrow when Logan is meeting new people and learning his new surroundings, I won't be there with him. I won't be there to protect and comfort him, and share in his excitement and awe of new things. I won't put him down for his naps, I won't feed him his meals, and I won't be there to tell him that everything will be okay. It's a big day for him, but an even bigger step for me as I learn to lose just the right amount of control and begin the long road of trusting that I am doing what is best for Logan.