Many times, through the sweat, tears, and frustration that my job as a nurse brings, I forget how rewarding it can be. There are so many life lessons that can be taught in caring for others and hearing their stories of challenges and triumphs. This week I was slapped in the face with the reality of one woman's life, and fortunately for me I will never be the same.
I'm the first to admit that I take like for granted far too often. I whine because I often have to work 50-60 hours a week for our family to make ends meet, or because we aren't exactly where we thought we would be entering our 30s. I complain that our house is too small, or that the area of town we live in makes me miserable. I don't see everything we have been blessed with in life and I'm far too often jealous of the lives of those around me.
I wish I could share the story of this young woman that I cared for. It is hard to look at her life without tears in your eyes for the devastation that has plagued her family. But she taught me how to look at my life in a completely different way in the few days I cared for her. Not once in those days did I think poor, pitiful me for having to work 5 12-hour shifts this week. I didn't feel sorry for myself because my back ached, or I hadn't seen my husband in days. I didn't stress and worry about how we will never be able to give our son everything we want, or ever find ourselves out of debt. I felt lucky to be alive. I felt lucky to not only have a job, but have a job that allows me to work overtime when I need to earn more money. I felt grateful to have this little baby growing inside of me, whether I felt ready or not. I felt lucky for every little and big thing in my life.
I hate that it takes experiences like this to give me a more positive aspect on life and feel gratitude for the life I have been granted. No matter how bad things may seem sometimes, it can always be worse... A LOT worse.
Nothing about this life right now seems real. I'm married to the love of my life, and our first little boy will be here before we know it. Nothing about our life is perfect, but that's never the way I pictured it. I grew up dreaming about having a beautiful family with my one true love, and that's exactly what I've been blessed with. I never daydreamed about being wealthy, or living in a mansion, or having the perfect life. We may struggle with finances and still be navigating our paths to success, but we have each other. There is no one else I would rather share this journey with. Each challenge brings us closer together, and is just another page in the story of our lives. And soon the most exciting chapter of all will begin, the day we welcome Logan into this world. Everything is great now, and amazingly it will only get better in the future. We have so much to look forward to, and so many memories to cherish along the way. I feel so incredibly fortunate.
I'll be 24 weeks in just a few days, and it's all beginning to feel so surreal. My heart is more than ready for Logan, but I don't feel at all prepared for his arrival. We haven't even begun on his nursery, nothing has been purchased since our stroller splurge 2 months ago, and finances are tight. When I think of all the things we need to buy in the next few months I am beyond overwhelmed! I know we still have nearly 4 months, but with Fall in the air and the holidays just around the corner I'm afraid it will all fly by before I know it. And with the BabyBump app on my phone constantly reminding me that I only have 115 days left, it doesn't seem like long at all!
It's so strange to think that we will be parents... completely responsible for growing and raising another person all on our own. I just cannot grasp the changes that will come.
Although I honestly can't wait to hold you in my arms, I cherish each moment we've spent together the last 23 weeks. There is comfort in knowing you are always with me, unlike any feeling I've ever felt before. Each little kick or wiggle puts a smile on my face, and those are my favorite parts of each day. It still doesn't feel real that all of this is actually happening, because I haven't wanted you and dreamed about this for as long as I can remember. You've already changed my life in so many ways, and I look forward to and welcome the changes you will bring to our family in 2012. I often day dream about what life will be like... day trips to the zoo, play time with Kilo & Roxy, meeting Daddy for lunch downtown, late night story-time rocking you in my arms... I know the best of life has yet to come.
I know the next 17 weeks (hopefully a little less!) will fly by, but sometimes I wish I could fast forward to your birthday. I will gladly give up my sleep and sanity to have you in my life forever. I already find myself thinking about little brothers and sisters for you, so I can't be that sane to begin with. For now I will continue to cherish having you all to myself and preparing for your arrival the best I can.
love always & forever,
Mom
Dear Logan,
The most amazing thing happened this past week... your father felt your kicks for the first time. I've been feeling you kick and tumble around since 19 weeks, but I have been patiently waiting to be able to share the magical experience with your dad. He loved it so much I thought he would never move his hand from my belly!
There is no greater feeling than having you in our lives. We often share our impatience with waiting to meet you, and I know the moment I do my life will finally feel complete. On even the worst of days, your kicks send a little joy through my body and my heart swells with love. It's as if you've always been there, just waiting for us to open our lives to you. I can't imagine just how much our lives will change in a few months, but I look forward to every day I get to spend with you. I'm already busy planning our many adventures and celebrations together in the coming years.
For now I hope you feel safe and sound inside of me, and I promise I will spend my life protecting and loving you. Your father and I will be counting down the days until your arrival!
love always & forever,
Mom
Our big 20 week scan was today, and I'm proud to say that our little Logan Cole is perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes, and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Nick and I sat mesmerized as we studied each of his tiny little organs. I was amazed while watching all four chambers of his heart beat in real time right before my eyes. He wiggled and squirmed, and each little kick I saw on screen I felt within myself. To say it was magical would be an understatement.
He is measuring right on schedule, as is my uterus, so my due date will remain January 27th. I have gained just enough weight for 20 weeks (although I feel huge!), my blood pressure is great, and so far everything is going just as planned. I couldn't have asked for better results from my appointment.
Halfway there! I can't wait to meet our little Logan Cole!
