a bittersweet moment. (a lost post)

8:00:00 AM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

Logan usually sleeps from 7 to 7. Occasionally he will whine a little if he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't find his paci, but that's usually the end of it.

Around 10:30 last night Logan began to whimper. Nick was on his way to bed, and agreed to stop in and check on him. Through the baby monitor I heard that his whimper had quickly become a loud cry, and it would take more than a paci retrieval to soothe him.

I headed upstairs to relieve Nick since he had to get up early in the morning. I found Logan in his arms, still screaming.

As soon as Logan caught sight of me his cry turned to desperation, and his little arms reached out to me in a panic. As I cradled him in my arms he immediately became silent and nuzzled his head into my chest.

In that moment my heart broke for Nick. He had been home for less than 2 days after being gone for 3 weeks. He couldn't offer the comfort Logan wanted, despite the close bond they once shared.

What's worse is that, despite my sympathy for Nick, I also felt a great sense of pride. I was proud to be a mother and the most important person in my little man's life. There is no greater feeling. I can offer something to Logan that no one else can.

Logan may not have words for it yet, but he knows what love is. He needs me just as much as I need him. There is something so magical between us that it brings tears to my eyes.

Once I rocked Logan back to sleep, I found Nick hurt and alone. I can't imagine leaving Logan for so long, time and time again, and feeling like your son doesn't even know you when you return. It was a bittersweet moment.

It won't be long before those two boys become one again, and my pedestal gets knocked out from underneath my feet. But until that day comes, I will cherish each of the moments that remind me just how special I am to Logan... and just how special he is to me. Nick will forgive me.

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