working mama: just breathe

11:31:00 AM Jaclyn Armstrong 0 Comments

Maternity leave is coming to an end far too quickly. I look at the untouched skin and innocent eyes of this precious little girl, and I can't imagine that she's ready to enter the world away from her mama. Tomorrow I will leave her to the care of another, hoping and praying she makes it through the day unfazed. I want her to miss me, but learn to survive without me. I want her to find the balance between relying on others for her basic needs, but still preferring mama any chance she gets. I hope she finds comfort and peace in her new surroundings, with her brother just a few steps down the hall. I pray that she feels loved, not abandoned. I hope that the days go by quickly, and the evenings at home together slow down to enjoy. I hope every minute I get at home with my little ones seems to last forever. Those moments are limited now, but I will cherish every one.

Even at 20 months, I don't find it easy to leave Logan every day. I worry that he doesn't understand why he's not at home with us every day. I'm scared that there are moments during the day that take him by surprise, and he doesn't have mommy and daddy for comfort. My heart is always with him, and I hope he feels the love we send with him every day.

Now we will leave two little ones, two precious souls, two innocent babies. I don't know that I will ever find peace with the guilt in my heart, but I try to remember that I am doing what I have to do. The last few weeks have been wonderful, and I will cherish them forever.

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