beautiful chaos

9:33:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

I miss this place. I have updates on the little ones to share, pictures of their adorableness, updates on our new house and life... But I also have a full-time job, 2 under 2, and a never ending to-do list. Between the house and work and the holidays, I'm barely hanging on. Every day is a marathon that I'm sprinting through.

 

I hope to be back soon!

 

 

 

honeysuckle hill.

8:00:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

20 months.

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dear Adaleigh (3 months)

8:14:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

My sweet girl,

3 months. Say it ain't so!


There is only one word to describe you these days: HAPPY. You wake each morning with a smile on your face, and that little smile lights up the room all day long.


Your soft little coos couldn't sound sweeter. Your little personality is starting to shine, and we love to guess what you will be like in the months and years to come.


You smile at every face you see, but no smile is bigger than when you lay eyes on your big brother. There is such a special bond between you two that the rest of us will never understand. You know his voice, and his kiss. It makes my heart fall to pieces.

3 months behind, but a lifetime ahead of us. I think I can handle that.

watch me grow! (Adaleigh weeks 11 & 12)

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watch me grow! (Adaleigh weeks 9 & 10)

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working mama: the night before

11:03:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

It's 11:00pm. I'll be dropping the kids off at daycare at 7:00am. I am a sobbing mess. I am not handling it well AT ALL.

I know there are plenty of working moms out there, but there are also a ton of stay-at-home moms. And I am so jealous of them right now. It may be the hardest job in the world, but it is the only job I want.

Adaleigh is so little. So innocent and new, with that perfect new baby scent and smooth, glowing skin. We've barely even met. I don't feel like we've had the time together that we need... the time to bond and get to know each other. She's only been here for 8 weeks.

Somehow I'm supposed to hand her off to someone else in the morning and turn my back. Someone that has no idea she already has a ticklish spot on her side, or loves to hear you sing her name. Someone that hasn't walked miles in circles around the house, just to get her to fall asleep. Someone that isn't planning for her first ballet recital, her first heartbreak, and the day she gets married. Someone that hasn't even met her yet.

I love hanging my walls with tiny little handprints and scribbles, and I love watching Logan light up at the sight of his friends in the morning, but I'm tired of sharing him. I don't want the tired, cranky Logan that I get as I scramble to make dinner after a long day of work. I want the happy, playful Logan just after a nap. I want surprise hugs and kisses throughout the day, and long walks around the neighborhood. I don't want a story at bedtime, I want a shelf of books throughout the day. I want the little baby I dropped off at daycare last year back in my life. I want all of the smiles and tears that I've missed for so long.

Those babies are my world. I will miss so much... so much that I will never get back. They will grow and change, all without me watching. They will never know the tears and heartache I felt every day I turned and said goodbye.

watch me grow! (Adaleigh weeks 7 & 8)

9:19:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

working mama: just breathe

11:31:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

Maternity leave is coming to an end far too quickly. I look at the untouched skin and innocent eyes of this precious little girl, and I can't imagine that she's ready to enter the world away from her mama. Tomorrow I will leave her to the care of another, hoping and praying she makes it through the day unfazed. I want her to miss me, but learn to survive without me. I want her to find the balance between relying on others for her basic needs, but still preferring mama any chance she gets. I hope she finds comfort and peace in her new surroundings, with her brother just a few steps down the hall. I pray that she feels loved, not abandoned. I hope that the days go by quickly, and the evenings at home together slow down to enjoy. I hope every minute I get at home with my little ones seems to last forever. Those moments are limited now, but I will cherish every one.


Even at 20 months, I don't find it easy to leave Logan every day. I worry that he doesn't understand why he's not at home with us every day. I'm scared that there are moments during the day that take him by surprise, and he doesn't have mommy and daddy for comfort. My heart is always with him, and I hope he feels the love we send with him every day.


Now we will leave two little ones, two precious souls, two innocent babies. I don't know that I will ever find peace with the guilt in my heart, but I try to remember that I am doing what I have to do. The last few weeks have been wonderful, and I will cherish them forever.

cue the tears.

8:07:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

7 weeks

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My precious baby girl. 7 weeks.

dear Logan (19 months)

8:00:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

My sweet little man,

You are such a boy... and I love it.



Football season is upon us, and no one could be more excited than you are. You squeal and run to the tv, quick to grab a spot right next to your daddy. You watch each play with intent and passion, and seem to understand the game better than most people. You yell "oh!" with every tackle, and appropriately say "uh-oh" if you see a fumble. The first thing you said when we came downstairs this morning was "football", and I know it broke your heart to learn that there aren't any games on a Monday morning. You are definitely your daddy's son.

You're running and laughing, and testing us in every way you can. Your need for independence and constant defiance has been a challenge for us, but thankfully one we have enjoyed. You haven't yet learned to apologize when you've been on your worst behavior, but you are quick to shower us with smiles and kisses when you know you've done something wrong. Quite the charmer you are. I don't think I've ever been mad at you long enough to realize it.


When you're bored or frustrated you often throw your paci, and because of your good arm we have had quite a few casualties when we're out running errands. At your current rate, we may say goodbye to pacis in the coming weeks. If you throw them out of anger we never retrieve them for you, but it hasn't stopped you from throwing the next one. We have plans to wean from the paci, transition to a toddler bed, and begin potty training all before the year is over. Survival will be key for all of us.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel grateful and blessed for everything you've brought to my life. Even on the worst of days, a little bedtime snuggling is all I need to remember how wonderful you have made my life. Your smile can change the world.

watch me grow! (Adaleigh weeks 5 & 6)

8:13:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

fun at the zoo!

11:38:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

Some days I feel like I'm drowning with two little ones, and other days I feel like a rockstar. Like the day that I successfully made it through the zoo with a single stroller, an adventurous 19 month old, and a hot, sweaty 5 week old against my chest.

I should admit that I did have a little help in the form of two dear friends, but they each had a toddler with them as well. We were definitely outnumbered. We haven't yet invested in a double stroller, so Logan in the BOB and Adaleigh in a carrier was the only option I had. She's usually strapped to me when we're out and about, but on long adventures I like to be able to breathe for a few minutes without constantly sharing body heat. Today I didn't have that option.


So with the stroller, Ergo, and a weeks worth of luggage, I cautiously entered the zoo with the little ones in tow. To say I was anxious (and may have started packing the night before) would be an understatement.

 But, you know what? We all survived. We ran through the zoo for nearly three hours, ate a picnic lunch, nursed, rode a train... and I only lost Logan once (and only for a second!). I actually left the zoo with both kids I came with. They were angels.


Logan was in an exceptionally good mood, which always helps. He only lasted in the stroller for the first ten minutes, and spent the rest of the day leading the pack on foot with me chasing behind.


We visited the train, and I gladly treated Logan to his first train ride. He was so excited at the suggestion, but as soon as he first spotted the train rounding the corner he burst into tears. A few hugs and kisses later, and he was happy to board the train with his buddies and my two friends. I was so proud of him! Not only did he overcome his fear, but he did it without holding my hand or even having me nearby. He is awesome.


The day was exhausting, but so much fun. I was proud of Logan, proud of Adaleigh, and proud of myself. This life really is everything I dreamed of. Crazy enough to have me rethink baby #3 (and #4) at times, but never to regret where we are now. So many more adventures await us!

dear Adaleigh (5 weeks)

7:26:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

My beautiful baby girl,

What an angel you are. You have been such a precious addition to our growing family. There could have never been a more perfect little girl to bring into our lives, at a more perfect time. Life is crazy and hectic, but in the most wonderful of ways. You have a calmness and peace about you (most of the time) that is exactly what we needed for our home.


Your personality is shining a little brighter every day. You are smiling more and more, usually just before you nurse or at the sound of my voice. You are alert and curious of the world around you. Your skinny little legs are getting stronger as you stand and jump when we hold you, and you continue to keep those long limbs stretched straight out. I've even found that you are happier and sleep better if I leave your legs out of the swaddle. No frog legs for you!


You love to be close to me, and if we're out and about you are always close to my heart in our Sakura Bloom sling. Your brother still dotes on you every chance he gets, and I love to think of the special bond the two of you will share. I see many games of catch and tea parties in the future. There is no doubt that he will be the protective big brother!


There's something special about a girl and her mama, and I have felt it from the very second you were brought into our lives. There is so much that awaits us in the years to come. We will challenge each other in the best of ways, and at times may struggle to find common ground, but I will always be by your side. I will always be here, loving you in every way I know how.