be thankful (day 2)




Jaclyn (@jaclynarmstrong)

11/2/12 5:42 PM

2: Thankful there was a different plan for me than the one I had for myself. luuux.com/node/2630744 #30days

 



 

This photo hit me hard. I've shared my dreams of joining the Army Reserves Nurse Corp (here), and finding out I was pregnant with Logan just before finalizing my paperwork for the board review. I made that decision at a time i didn't think Nick and I would ever have children. But the reality of the life of a female soldier and mom hit me when I saw the raw emotion on this oldier's face. I can't imagine deploying for months or a year at a time, only interacting with Logan through Skype. I can't imagine coming home to a child that doesn't even really know me. I know how hard it is for Nick to leave Logan, and the longest he's been gone so far is 3 weeks. As a mother, I can't imagine being separated from my son. This could have been me. The strength and bravery of this mother is inspiring. I've never been more in awe of a mothers love.

 

 

 

I wanted so badly to share this photo with Nick... share my emotions, heartache, and what could have been. But at the last minute I decided against it, because sadly Nick will have to face this reality next year. He doesn't need to be reminded of the road ahead.

30days army nurse corps
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be thankful (day 1)

Jaclyn (@jaclynarmstrong)

11/2/12 1:21 AM

1: Thankful to have a career I can take pride in, especially when the days are exhausting and the nights are long. #nursetweets #30days

By now we have all seen the tremendous impact of Hurricane Sandy on the east coast. It is one of the most devastating natural disasters of my lifetime. So many stories have been shared of heroic efforts within communities, but the ones that always stand out to me are the stories of nurses and their efforts under horrendous circumstances. (You can read about the brave nurses that manually ventilated tiny NICU babies to safety here.) Nurses worked long exhausting hours without eating, without breaks, and without proper medical equipment to save lives. As they always do. I have never been more proud to be a nurse.

I complain about my job a lot. I complain about management and hospital administration, redundant policies, understaffing, lack of support, arrogant and impossible doctors, poor communication, etc. But the fact is, despite the shortcomings in the medical field, I love what I do. I love having a career that I can be proud of. I love the genuine appreciation I receive from patients daily, and watching patients walk out of our doors healthier and smiling after far too many days in our care. I love providing safety and companionship to an elderly dementia patient without any family. I love being a nurse.

I work on a surgical oncology unit. I'm with some patients for weeks on end as they recover from a complicated surgery. I'm with other families as they struggle with the shock and heartache of a new cancer diagnosis. I watch some patients fall apart as they live out their final days of a poor prognosis. I offer a listening ear and a helping hand, and wipe their tears away. I am humbled every day.

Nursing is such a challenging job, but also so very rewarding. I'm usually exhausted and counting down the days or hours until my next day off. But I always have great pride when I get to share what I do for a living with someone else. And that is the best part of the job.

 
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am I mom enough?

As I sat down after putting Logan to bed tonight, I began scrolling through facebook. I saw picture after picture of cute kids dressed in the most adorable costumes. Some out trick or treating, others at church or community festivals. Some were much older than Logan, but many were babies his age or even younger.

The sad thing is, I never once thought about taking Logan out tonight to celebrate Halloween. Sure, I dressed him up on Sunday and we spent the afternoon at a festival in Murfreesboro. But most of today I didn't even realize it was Halloween.

I know it sounds silly, but I felt like a failure as a mom. A feeling I'm all too familiar with, and most moms can probably relate to. It doesn't matter what I do, I constantly question if I'm doing everything I can for Logan. Do we play outside enough? Do I read to him enough? Am I feeding him enough? Do I play with him enough? Is he as happy and healthy as he could possibly be?

I stress about his size as other babies grow bigger and taller. If he's the last of his friends to crawl, I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I still haven't forgiven myself for breastfeeding for only 7 months instead of the 12-15 I had planned. Yes, it's better than nothing, but I always wonder what I could have done differently to keep things going longer.

Sometimes I think I'm doing my best, but the truth is we can always do more. And that thought plays over and over in my mind every night. No one can help me with my insecurities but myself. Motherhood is stressful in a way I never could have imagined.

I've disabled comments for this post because despite what it may sound like, I'm really not looking for any words of encouragement. I know no one would really think I was a terrible mom. You could tell me a thousand times that I'm doing a great job, and I will still be hard on myself. At the end of the day I have a beautiful baby boy who knows he is loved more than anything in this world. That has to count for something.



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vote for Logan!

Logan has entered his first Halloween costume contest, for bragging rights of course.

Go to A Night Owl blog, click "vote" above the cutest superbaby (#11), and check out all of the other creative and adorable costumes.

In case you forgot just how cute he is, here's one more picture :)





 

 

 
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superbaby!


Is he not the cutest Superman you've ever seen?!?



I didn't have the time to make Logan's first Halloween costume as elaborate as I would have liked, but this is what I came up with for less than $10 and only an hour of my Saturday afternoon (and a refusal to use my sewing machine). Honestly, I would have bought his costume this year for convenience, but I couldn't find anything to fit my little petite baby!




 I used a white onesie that we already owned (complete with a few stains around the collar from baby drool), and applied an iron-on Superman patch from Hobby Lobby. A blue onesie would have been more true to Superman's outfit, but white was already hanging in the closet.

I used a red Fuzzibunz diaper from our stash, which he wore without an insert over his real diaper and onesie. I used 1.5 inch yellow ribbon and created a belt using Tacky Glue and pre-cut velcro (previously purchased for paci clips).

I chose red fleece to make his cape, so that the unfinished cut edges wouldn't look quite so bad. It ended up being the perfect choice of material, as his cape doubled as a blanket at the windy fall festival we attended. I didn't use a pattern of any sort for the cape, only trial and error with my little baby model. I accordian folded each 2" end of the top and secured with Tacky Glue to give it a little dimension. I attached a zigzag red ribbon to the inside top of the cape with more glue, and loosely tied it around his neck.


The final accessory was a pair of red leg warmers from his sock collection (I believe they're made by Baby Legs?), over a pair of gray socks I put on him at the last minute for warmth.


I have to say, I'm a little proud of how cute it turned out given the very little effort I put into making it. I could have easily obsessed over every detail of his costume for weeks, but I'm so glad I didn't.

I can't wait to see all of the other adorable diy Halloween costumes!







diy halloween
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lately (in links)


  • Whether you think he did or didn't, I think we can all agree that this is a sad day in sports. He was (and is?) such a hero to so many people.
  • I don't care who you are, baby announcements always put a smile on my face. Yay for newborn snuggles!
  • I hope everyone reads this. I wish I could say I'm surprised.
  • What a beautiful, beautiful girl. Inside and out. Such an inspiration.
  • I just found this community to share my journey. It's amazing how things always present themselves when you need them the most.
  • This perspective on marriage couldn't be more true. It reminds me that I really did marry my best friend.
  • I don't even know what to say about this. I'm definitely not mature enough to watch it with a straight face!
  • My jaw is still on the floor after reading some of these stories. A few are so crazy you have to believe them.
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lately (in links)

  • My heart breaks for this girl and her family. Technology is such a powerful, and dangerous, part of our world. How can you learn from your mistakes and move on when they haunt you for the rest of your life online?
  • I'm still shaking my head over this story. I haven't read all of the details, but I've heard enough. If I'm selling my body for money, I better be making more than $150,000 in 18 months! Seriously.
  • Every mom should read this advice. I know I need to make some changes in my own life, for me and my family.
  • I'm running out of time for Logan's Halloween costume! Here are a few of my favorites (and my new pinterest addiction).
  • I will definitely be crocheting these perfect little boots for Logan. One of my new favorite blogs (thank you Dottie)!
  • This book is amazing. Can't. Put. It. Down.
  • Guess I won't be dressing up as a skunk this year for Halloween after all. This sounds like a bad SNL skit.
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The pumpkin patch.

A beautiful, cool fall day.

Hot apple cider.

Boots.

The pumpkin patch.



A perfect Sunday.



















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dear Logan (8 months)


My sweet, precious little boy,

Is it even possible that you have been in our lives for 8 months now? What an amazing, incredible journey this has been. You have been more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined. Its hard to believe it's been 8 months since i brought you into this world, but I still can't imagine a second of my life without you in it.

You have become such a sweet, cuddly Mama's boy, and I absolutely love it. You love every one of the thousand kisses I smother you with daily, and you even offer a few of your own slobbery, open-mouthed kisses for me. There's never a time that mine or your daddy's entrance into a room doesn't bring the biggest smile to your face. Your genuine happiness in life is the most beautiful thing I've every seen.

You're still a tiny thing for your age, but to me you seem so big. You're skinny with long legs, and your big blue eyes and dimples melt the heart of every lady you meet. Your smile can light up a room. None of your teeth have made an appearance yet, but your little gums are so white I know the day is coming soon.

You love to go out and explore the world, as long as you're safe in Mama or Daddy's arms. You are a little shy with strangers and new places at first, but it doesn't take long for you to warm up to your surroundings. I wish more than anything that you take after your Daddy's outgoing personality instead of being shy like me, but only time will tell. Sometimes those of us that are the quietest have the most to say.

I love you so, so very much. You have taught me unconditional love in the most amazing way. No matter what you do in life and who you become, you will always be my little boy. You are the single greatest accomplishment of my life.

hugs & kisses always,
Mama
dear logan letters to baby
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