my heart hurts

12:03:00 AM Unknown 1 Comments

This deployment is a daily struggle... and right now I'm losing miserably.  I can't go one second without thinking of Nick, and missing him terribly.  I've been crying myself to sleep every night.  I've managed to keep my days busy, but my nights seem to get lonelier and lonelier.  If I close my eyes I can actually feel his arms around me, and the touch of his lips on my neck.  I try to put a brave smile on my face every day, but it's getting harder and harder.  I know I've got 8 1/2 more months to survive without him, but some days I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Nick is my rock.  I turn to him for everything.  It's hard for most people to understand what it feels like to have your best friend ripped from your life for an entire year.  I'm still learning what it feels like every day.  I hate not being able to share the little details of my day with him, and I feel like we're missing out on so much together.  Weekly conversations with poor call reception can't begin to compare to sharing our lives together.  I know we have a lifetime to look forward to together, but sometimes I want that lifetime to begin now.  I'm trying my best to speed through 2010 with a bright red cape flowing from my shoulders, but it's all just an act.  The truth is, I can't live without him.  He makes me whole, and makes every day of life worth living.

As bad as I feel right now, I can't imagine my life without him.  I can't imagine what kind of person I would be, or how miserable I would be, if I didn't know that he'd be coming home to me by the end of the year.  Everything is so much better when he's here.

To all the single ladies out there, I hope you find you're Prince Charming.  Because when you do, you won't remember what life was like before you met him.