Jaclyn Armstrong: marriage

Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

It's getting closer and closer to Nick returning home, and I don't think it's really hit me yet. I don't even know what to say or think. I spend more and more of my days imagining his return, and many of my nights dreaming about running into his arms... but at the same time it doesn't seem real. I don't really believe that he will ever come home.

Maybe it's a defense or coping mechanism, because if I spent every minute of his absence dreaming about his homecoming I would have never survived the past 6+ months. It just seems so surreal. I know I had a similar feeling when he was gone for 14 weeks during boot camp and AIT, but it still doesn't seem right. I should be counting down the days and making banners and throwing a party, but I just can't seem to let myself get excited.

Having said that, I can't wait for Nick to come home. I want to spend at least a full 24 hours lying next to him with his arms wrapped around me without saying a word. I look forward to enjoying the little things in life together again, and making new memories with every passing day. I want to live each day without feeling as if my life is on hold. I want to set our plans in motion for the next few years.

Most of all, I want to feel married again.

Nick and I were together for 6 years when we got married.... and it seems he's been gone since the day he became my husband. We got married in August and he was gone for AT by September. He came home a month later, and left again December 5 for pre-deployment training. He hasn't been back home since.

As sad as I am to admit it, I don't even remember what it's like to have him home. He was gone for nearly all of 2009, and halfway through 2010 he has yet to be here.

The end can't come soon enough.

In honor of Memorial Day, I thought I'd take a minute to appreciate (and brag a little) about my heroic, brave husband. I could write a book about the reasons I love Nick, so this list is just a start.

1. He's always the first to apologize.
I'm stubborn. Really stubborn. For that reason I've always found it hard to suck it up and apologize, even when I know I'm in the wrong. Within 5 min of any fight or argument Nick is always the first to apologize... regardless of who should really be taking the first step. I can literally scream at him for absolutely no reason, count to ten, and he will be right there saying "I'm sorry". Never fails.

2. He supports every decision I make.
Whether I'm planning my next degree or career, or adding to the list of businesses and hobbies I imagine in my life, Nick supports all of my dreams. He hates to have any sort of debt, but if I really want to go to school and add another 50k+ to our student loans he never tells me no. He supports the big things in life... and all the little things. I couldn't ask for more.

3. He's my biggest fan.
Although I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world, or the most talented artist, or the world's greatest genius, my husband thinks I am. He always makes me feel amazing. He doesn't even have to speak a word... I can see it in the way he looks at me. I feel the same way about him.

4. He inspires me.
I'm a better person because of Nick. Not that I wouldn't be a pretty awesome person without him, but he makes me even better. He inspires me to reach my goals, create new goals, and try new things every day. Finding him brought me a little closer to having a perfect life, and made me want to fix and change every other little aspect of my life to make it perfect as well. Because of Nick my future is so much brighter.

5. He encourages me to have my own life.
Nick and I love to spend lazy days together cuddling and watching movies, dancing in the kitchen while we make dinner, and sharing our deepest and most unconventional thoughts with each other. As much as we enjoy our time together and can never get enough of it, he always encourages me to do things on my own. He is happy to watch me fill my social calendar with dinners and dates with my girls, and loves to see me enjoy time away from home. Of course the Army has forced me to have much more of my own life without him than I ever desired, but he prepared me in the best of ways for surviving life without him here.

6. He's the smartest person I know.
I promise if you spend 10 minutes with Nick in a meaningful conversation, you will quickly agree that he is extremely intelligent. Historical facts and dates roll from his tongue like flavors of ice cream. He is passionate about his thoughts and beliefs, and I guarantee you will never truly win an argument with him... even if he lets you think you did. He can fly an airplane, create a combat strategy that will blow your mind, and explain concepts that the geniuses of the world can't understand. He is incredible.

7. He has dimples.
Enough said.

8. He has dreams and aspirations.
Nick has never been one to dream small or create small, insignificant goals... and I truly believe he will reach each and every one of his grand dreams and become the greatest at everything he ever does.

9. He can always make me smile.
Whether I'm having a stressful or emotional day, or we've just had an intense argument, Nick can always put the biggest and most genuine smile on my face. As long as I'm smiling, nothing else in life matters to him.

10. He meant every word of his wedding vows.
The one belief that Nick and I will never differ on is the commitment of marriage. My parents have been married 27 years and his 28, and we always knew that whenever we chose to get married it would be forever. Marriage is hard work and sometimes a struggle, but it's a challenge we're up for. Divorce is not an option for us, and we don't believe anything can or will ever tear us apart. We didn't say our vows lightly, and meant every word of them. I'm confident that no matter what life throws our way, we will battle it head on and come out victorious. We went through a lot during the 6 years before our wedding, and it only made us stronger. I know that Nick will never give up on us, and I'm reminded of his love and commitment to me every day.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL OF OUR BRAVE SOLDIERS & THEIR FAMILIES!

Warning: this post is going to be cheesy and full of me gushing over the amazing love I have for my husband, so if that kind of thing grosses you out quit reading now.

The bond that Nick and I share is incredible. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced in life. I've had best friends, I've had great friends... and I have a wonderful family that I can turn to for anything. But nothing compares to the relationship I share with Nick. There's no one I can talk to the way I can talk to him... there's no judgment, no criticism, no selfishness, and no ulterior motives. It is pure, and magical, and perfect. Whether I'm happy, or sad, or whiny, or proud, or frustrated, or anxious... he listens to me. Really listens to me. We've had our share of ups and downs (more than the average couple), but he's always there for me. No matter where life takes us or what I do, I know he's there for me. I can lean on him for anything and everything.

If there's anything good about spending most of your time away from your husband, it's that you forget about all the bad things in your relationship. You forget about the little things they do that annoy you, you forget about any bad qualities they have, you forget about the trials and tribulations you've suffered, and you forget about anything bad they've ever put you through. Instead you remember the comfort and safety of their arms around you, the way they look at you like you're the only person in the world that matters. and the unconditional love they have for you. It's an amazing feeling.

The love we share is real. It hasn't always been easy, but it's always been real. Nothing in life would be the same without him, and I can't even imagine the last 6+ years without Nick in my life. He has made me stronger, more independent, more loyal, more honest, and more me. He brought out the person in me that was hiding for so long, waiting for the right moment to present myself to the world. He makes me feel confident, motivated, ambitious, intelligent, and able to take on anything that life brings. I feel so lucky that we found each other.

The next year is going to be hard, but we have our whole lives ahead of us. We have a family, and goals, and dreams to look forward to. When Nick and I are together, nothing can stand in our way. We bring out the best in each other, and we're capable of anything.

I guess I should end this now, because I know there are a few people reading this and gagging right now. But don't be jealous, because when you find what Nick and I have you'll value every word I've just written.

Nick surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day.

It was a much appreciated addition to an otherwise uneventful day. The day after Valentine's Day was also special for us, as it marked our 6-month anniversary of being married. 6 months down, a lifetime to go.

I miss Nick like crazy, but having him gone is definitely a blessing in disguise. I may not have thought that a few years ago, but when he's gone I realize how independent and strong I can be on my own. I'm also glad I chose to stay in Nashville during the deployment. The comfort and support of family members is wonderful, but learning that you can survive anything on your own is invaluable.

Prior to this past year of military life, Nick and I had only been apart once. It was the first time I was truly independent, and I learned so much about myself. Of course some days are hard, but other days you can hold your head up high knowing that you're making a life for yourself all on your own. It sucks when the water heater breaks, or your house becomes infested with termites, or you're forced to move all of your belongings to a new place... but nothing compares to the joy of finding a solution and resolving the problem without the help of anyone else.

The year ahead is going to be a long and difficult one, but I know I will come out of it a stronger and better person. I know I can do it. I refuse to waste my days sitting around mourning our separation, or crying myself to sleep at night because he's not laying next to me. He is always in my heart and I know he will always come back to me. Even when I forget, he's always there to remind me just when I need it the most. I will miss him every minute of every day, but I feel fortunate that I have such a wonderful person to miss. He is my heart and my soul, and no matter where I am he's right there with me. The deployments may be long and I'm sure we have many more in our future, but we have a lifetime together. Our life together is just beginning. There will be so many great moments in our future together, and I can't wait to enjoy each and every one of them.

For now I will miss him with a smile on my face.

Reality hit hard today, and I can’t say I was ready for it. I drove Nick to Springfield this morning to board a bus for training in Mississippi. The hard part was not seeing him go, it was the realization that he stepped out of our house this morning for the last time until they return in (hopefully) December 2010. I am grateful that I will be able to see him again for Christmas in 3 short weeks, but I also know that this marks the beginning of a long, difficult year ahead. I’m not a big fan of living alone, and I hate the silence that has already consumed this house. I didn’t plan on crying this morning and I was doing really well at first (I may still have been feeling some of the many drinks from last night), and then I joined the caravan through Springfield. The buses with ours soldiers, followed by 20+ family cars, were given a police escort through the town while hundreds of people lined the streets with flags and signs to bid farewell to the 278th. I’m pretty sure I had only passed about 5-10 people when I lost it. Realizing what that moment symbolized was too much for me to take. Of course my mind is also frequently invaded by the thoughts of the harsh realities of war, and this morning was no exception. Nick is my best friend, my husband, my rock, my life. I can’t imagine living in this world without him, and I hope more than anything that I never have to find out. I am so insanely proud of him though. There is nothing more honorable that what our soldiers do, and I am amazed by the courage and strength they exhibit each and every day. This is our first deployment, but it won’t be our last. And we will get through each one with the love that has bonded us for the last 6+ years, and I know it will make us stronger and closer than we’ve ever been. I will survive for my husband, our families, our friends, and what this country stands for. I’m an army wife… it’s what I do.

I've been wanting to write an update for a while, but I honestly haven't had time. Life has been crazy. I don't have much time to spare now, so I'll hit the highlights from the last few weeks:

I found my passion in nursing- peds hem/onc. I LOVE it. I don't know quite how to describe the feeling of finding what you were born to do in life, but it is amazing. Now I just have to figure out how to get there, because other plans are laid out for me at the moment.
I have 51 days of nursing school left. Enough said.
Last week my husband came home from training and I enjoyed the laziness of Fall break. Life was wonderful. My husband is still here but I'm back in school now, so it doesn't seem so wonderful anymore.
Nick and I have only had 1 working car since he's been home, so we've been carpooling everyday. I really enjoy the good quality conversation with my husband every morning to start the day, but I could do without the 4am wakeup and getting home after 7pm. Everyday is long, and I'm exhausted. I'm ready for both cars to hit the road again.
We've been married now for 68 days. It's amazing how quickly time flies.
The deployment officially begins in 6 weeks. I hate how quickly time flies.
I just remembered I'll be turning 26 in a little over a month. I like 26 because it's an even number, but it's a little too close to 30 than I'm comfortable with.

That's it for now...

Once again, Nick is gone... it isn't the first time, and unfortunately it won't be the last. He will be in Mississippi for the next 3 weeks for annual training, or as I like to call it "playing Cowboys and Indians". He left bright and early this morning on a fancy charter bus complete with satellite television. If I've learned one thing during the past year, it's not to feel too sorry for the troops and their rough conditions. Of course deployment is a different story, but during drill weekends and training they're usually living pretty nice and not working too hard. I mean, really, what boy doesn't dream of spending his time shooting guns and simulating war? It's all little boys do growing up. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge supporter of our troops and I'm more than happy knowing they're given nice accommodations and allowed to have a little fun when they're able to. After all, 12 months away from family and friends in the desert isn't my ideal vacation. They actually deserve more than they're given... they sacrifice their lives and defend our country, all in a day's work. And while we sit around and complain about not enough paid holidays or having to work a little late one night, you'll never hear a soldier complain about his job. They're proud of what they do, and they should be.

It's only been a few hours since Nick left, and already I miss him so much. If there's one thing I can thank the Army for, it's allowing me to never take my husband for granted. I spend too much time missing him and waiting for him to come home to not appreciate him when he's here. Sometimes all I feel like I do is wait... wait for him to come home, wait for the next assignment, wait for the next phone call. But it's all worth it... Nick is living his dream and reaching his goals, and I couldn't be more proud of him. Not to mention he looks pretty good in uniform.

In honor of our 1 month anniversary, I thought I'd post a few of my favorite pictures from our wedding... enjoy!

So I'm officially a married woman these days. So many things seem to be changing, but at the same time everything seems to be staying the same. Nick has been my best friend for the past six years, and we have lived together for so long that marriage seems to be nothing more than a sheet of paper. Not that I don't absolutely love that he is finally my husband, but my daily life didn't drastically change when we got married. At the same time I'm only 3 months away from graduating from nursing school, and hopefully less than a year away from becoming a mother. Talk about life changing. I'm anxious, I'm excited, I'm scared... but most of all I'm ready. The most important moments of my life seem to be happening all at once, and I love it. The best part is I don't have to do any of it alone... I have the most amazing husband that supports me through everything, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

One thing I'm not looking forward to in the coming months- Nick's deployment to Iraq. This will be his first tour, and my first big challenge as an Army wife. He'll be leaving December 5 for three months of training in Mississippi, and then will be on his way to the Middle East for a 12-month deployment. It won't be easy, but I know we can do it because we have to. I'm living proof that you can find a way to make it through anything if you have to. Looking at the big picture a year is only a very small portion of our lives together, but those 12 months are going to feel like an eternity. When he leaves I will be a 26 year old student and military wife, only responsible for myself, and when he returns I will be a 27 year old registered nurse and the mother of his child (if everything goes as planned- cross your fingers!). It's never easy to see him go, but I'm comforted knowing how proud I am of the brave man that he is, and what he is willing to do for our family and our country. I'm truly blessed, and I know it. Life will go on, and it will only get better from here.

With all of the new experiences and changes in my life right now, it seemed appropriate to begin writing about them. We often take for granted the little things in life that make us who we are, and I want to take the time to reflect upon my journey before I get lost in the chaos of life.

Jaclyn Armstrong

homecoming

10 reasons I love my husband

so. in. love.

love is in the air

all on my own

goodbye soldier

I'm back

now I wait

oh happy day!

change happens

welcome!

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