Parenting is hard.
As I sit cradling my precious little girl with all the love I have, her feverish body burning my chest, unable to sooth her cries, I'm reminded just how hard parenting is.
I remember hearing the words often when I was pregnant with Logan. I ignorantly thought those words of wisdom referred to long, sleepless nights, never ending expenses, and the great lifestyle change that comes along with a first born. I was so very wrong.
No one can prepare you for parenting. You have no idea how it feels to have your heart break into a million pieces when your child hurts and you can't take the pain away... The anguish you feel when one day your 2-year-old no longer wants to go to daycare and you have no idea why he's had a sudden change of heart... The agony you feel when your 7-month-old is tortured with catheters and needles and you can't explain why you can't save her. The never ending worry and fear that consumes your life once you have children.
I really thought Logan's colicky months were the hardest that parenting would be. I couldn't understand that it isn't the lifestyle that's hard, it's the lack of control and inability to protect them from everything and everyone. It's the unknown.
What I know now is that it will get harder. There will be ER visits, broken hearts, mean friends, and lonely nights. I can't even bear to think of watching my kids struggle through the challenges of life, hurting inside and out. I think of everything I experienced to become who I am, and I know that even the best parenting can't protect them from all they will face in the years to come. Life is just not fair.
There is no rule book, no guide, and no answers for all of life's questions. Only the relentless, undying love of a mom for her children. I can only hope it's enough.
