am I mom enough?
As I sat down after putting Logan to bed tonight, I began scrolling through facebook. I saw picture after picture of cute kids dressed in the most adorable costumes. Some out trick or treating, others at church or community festivals. Some were much older than Logan, but many were babies his age or even younger.The sad thing is, I never once thought about taking Logan out tonight to celebrate Halloween. Sure, I dressed him up on Sunday and we spent the afternoon at a festival in Murfreesboro. But most of today I didn't even realize it was Halloween.
I know it sounds silly, but I felt like a failure as a mom. A feeling I'm all too familiar with, and most moms can probably relate to. It doesn't matter what I do, I constantly question if I'm doing everything I can for Logan. Do we play outside enough? Do I read to him enough? Am I feeding him enough? Do I play with him enough? Is he as happy and healthy as he could possibly be?
I stress about his size as other babies grow bigger and taller. If he's the last of his friends to crawl, I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I still haven't forgiven myself for breastfeeding for only 7 months instead of the 12-15 I had planned. Yes, it's better than nothing, but I always wonder what I could have done differently to keep things going longer.
Sometimes I think I'm doing my best, but the truth is we can always do more. And that thought plays over and over in my mind every night. No one can help me with my insecurities but myself. Motherhood is stressful in a way I never could have imagined.
I've disabled comments for this post because despite what it may sound like, I'm really not looking for any words of encouragement. I know no one would really think I was a terrible mom. You could tell me a thousand times that I'm doing a great job, and I will still be hard on myself. At the end of the day I have a beautiful baby boy who knows he is loved more than anything in this world. That has to count for something.
