so over it.

11:58:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

I've spent the last year obsessing about my wedding (over a year if you count the actual planning), and I'm so over it.  Well, not really over it at all, but I would do just about anything to let it all go.  As sad as it is to admit, I literally spend  about an hour almost every day replaying the details and all the things I would have done differently.  I dream about renewing our vows (although I never plan on doing it... one wedding really is enough).  The funny thing is, nothing really went wrong on our wedding day.  I was relaxed, the venue was beautiful, and I'm pretty sure everyone had a great time.  I'm starting to think no wedding would have ever satisfied me.

I dream about a destination wedding.... we seriously considered it, but were afraid to disappoint family (especially Nick's grandmother, who ironically wasn't able to make it to our wedding due to a recent surgery).  I would love a small, intimate gathering (immediate family only) on a secluded beach at sunset.  I would wear a simple white sun dress with flip flops, and Nick would wear khakis and a white shirt Cuban-style.

I dream about a beach wedding at Public Access 13 on Wrightsville Beach where we shared our first kiss and the beginning of a lifetime together... and also where Nick planned to propose had he not become impatient about making me his wife ;)  I would wear a sleek, straight, flowing dress and go barefoot.  No setting would have been better than Wilmington... the small, magical city where we first fell in love.  I love Nashville, but I will always wish we had been married in Wilmington until the day we die (sleeping peacefully, The Notebook- style).

I can't even watch wedding shows, or any tv show/movie with a wedding, without my stomach literally turning inside.  I don't understand it.  It's over and done (and it was wonderful), but no matter what I can't let it go.  Absolutely ridiculous.  I've been too ashamed to write about this for so long, but I'm really hoping that writing it down helps me move on.

You know what's really funny?  I never really wanted a wedding to begin with.  Of course I had thought about it, but I wasn't the little girl dreaming every night about a big flowing gown and my celebrity crush of the moment standing at the end of the aisle.  But like everything else in my life I started planning, and I became obsessed.  No decision could ever be "right".

There is one thing that always eases my mind and gives me peace... and that it the man I married.  Because I know that at the end of the day, that's all that matters.  He is everything I've ever wanted and more.  The wedding is really so insignificant compared to the lifetime we will create together.  And that makes me happy.