one day at a time.

9:31:00 PM Unknown 1 Comments

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I said goodbye to my husband today knowing that I am sending him off to war, and won't be seeing him again for 10 months.

I don't even know if there are words to express how I'm feeling right now.  Part of me feels like spending the next year without him is impossible, but part of me knows that I can do this... and 10 months really isn't that long when you're going to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.  Either way I'm sad, a little depressed, and can't wait to start counting down for his return.

The initial goodbye this morning was awful.  It was emotional, painful, and something I wish I could go the rest of my life without ever experiencing again.  But after the first few hours of my long ride home I was doing better... I was focused on getting home, and putting this horrible day behind us.  But then I picked the dogs up from boarding at the vet.

I don't know what happened.  I talk to the dogs a lot when Nick is away, so on our ride home I told them that he said hey and he missed them... just like he asked me to do.  I think at that very moment reality set in.  I realized I was only a few miles away from my lonely home in Nashville, and back to a life of just me and the dogs in a cold, empty house.  I cried uncontrollably for a while, and continued to break into tears for the next few hours.

Now that it's getting late and the day is almost over, I'm a little better than before.  I still wish that this wasn't our reality right now, but I am so proud of everything he does.  I'm ready to get back into my routine and a steady social life with my TN girls, and I'm ready to focus on my new career as a registered nurse.  As I've said before, distractions are invaluable.

I know I will be crying myself to sleep tonight and remembering just 24 hours ago when I was comforted by his arms around me, but I hope tomorrow is better.  I hope that it only takes a short time to get over the events of today.  I hope that 2010 flies by, but most of all I hope that my husband is returned home safely.  I can survive without him for 10 months, but there's no way I could survive the rest of my life without him by my side.