Sugar and spice...

10:55:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

I have been convinced that this little bean growing inside of me is a boy.  I’ve been influenced a lot by my husband’s desire to have a little boy, and my hope to finally give my dad another boy in the family (after 2 daughters and 2 granddaughters!).  And as much as I love all of the cute little dresses out there, I can’t help but find myself drawn to blue and green plaid shirts, overalls, and loafers.  

But despite my instincts and desires, I can’t stop dreaming about having a little girl.  I rarely have dreams with my baby in them, but when I do I always give birth to a beautiful, healthy little girl.  Something tells me you can’t fight the instincts and knowledge of your subconscious.  

As much as I can’t wait to find out whether we’re team blue or pink, I honestly will be so happy and excited either way.  There is so much to look forward to in 6 short months!  I may have to do a little more convincing before Nick is truly excited and not terrified of having a little girl, but I can be pretty persuasive :)

2:30:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

Dear little one,

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There is so much in the world I look forward to teaching you and showing you.  I look forward to traveling to places I’ve never even been, and exploring and learning together.  There’s so much more to this world than the small bubble we shelter ourselves in, so much more than our own cultures and beliefs.  My hope is that you are not burdened by the shyness and fear that has defined me, but rather an excitement and passion for exploring the world around you.  I hope that the last thought to ever enter your mind is what those around you may think, and I hope you feel carefree and confident in the decisions you make.  The world becomes a sad place when you let others define it for you.  Do not put off your goals and dreams in hopes of doing them later, because later will never come.  Live with passion and purpose, but enjoy every day as if it is your last.  Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, as that is how we grow within ourselves.  Never be afraid to accept help, but do so graciously.  No one ever makes it to the top on their own.  I hope we can give you the most incredible, joyous childhood, regardless of our financial means, and I hope you can look back on it fondly with a smile on your face.  I hope you always feel loved and protected, because nothing means more to us in life than you do.  Never forget that no matter where life takes you, family is everything.

Love forever & always,

Mom

7.11.11

6:40:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

I wish I could say that I only have joyous, happy thoughts about this pregnancy, but that would be a lie.  Despite wanting a child for as long as I can remember and trying for so long, I still find myself wondering if this is really what I want.  

Sometimes I feel this way when standing in line behind a screaming toddler, or while shopping for my ever-growing chest and waist, or hearing about all the fun, carefree things my single, not-yet-tied-down friends are doing.

I  must admit, at times I have the “my life is over” thought creep into my head.  But then there are times that I see that young family out living life to the fullest, and I find myself anxious for that time to come for us when all of the superficial and vain worries that have consumed my life are gone, and the focus is finally back on family- our family.  

Despite all of these mixed emotions, I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

12 weeks

6:34:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

The last week of my first trimester.  A week I have looked forward to for a long, long time.  I have yet to get my energy back, and nausea still rears its ugly head far too often, but I think my normal appetite may be returning.  I’m also not starving all day every day, which was becoming quite the inconvenience.  Last night as I lay in bed I realized I hadn’t eaten since my lunch at Panera, but when I ventured to the kitchen I had no desire for a peanut butter sandwich, pudding, american cheese and crackers, or any of the other childhood cravings I’d been living off of for so long.  I wanted a meal.  Maybe even a nice filet mignon (I have gotten sick at even the mention of steak for 2 months now!).  Of course I was forced to go to bed hungry as my kitchen offered none of these options, but I went to bed with a sigh of relief that I might actually get to eat like a normal, healthy adult again.  I even enjoyed a salad for lunch yesterday… another meal that has repulsed me for quite some time now.  I just hope this isn’t a tease, like the week I spent nausea-free that led me to believe the morning sickness was over.  I promise you, it only got worse.  

12 weeks, 28 to go.  Now if I can just get my energy back so I can enjoy each and every one of them…

6:26:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

Thank you Starbucks for offering ALL of your drinks in decaf. Welcome back, caramel macchiato.

the sweetest sound

3:56:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

This morning I heard the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard… our little one’s heartbeat!  I could have listened for hours.  Unfortunately Nick is stuck in the humidity and swamps of Mississippi right now (thank you annual training), so he will have to wait until my next appointment to hear it for himself.  I had hoped to record it for him, but after waiting for an hour and a half and nearly falling asleep I forgot all about it.  When the time finally came I was so wrapped up in the moment I couldn’t think about anything else!  Everything checked out fine, with the exception of my thyroid function tests which were no surprise to me.  I’ve had subclinical hypothyroidism for a few years now so my thyroid has to be monitored very closely, but luckily I still haven’t reached the point of needing medication.  This appointment also confirmed that I have only gained 3 lbs at this point… which is GREAT news considering I feel like my belly is doubling daily!  I can’t wait for the Husband to see me when he gets home!

11 weeks

4:32:00 PM Unknown 0 Comments

11 weeks pregnant.  I’m starting to feel like this pregnancy is already flying by.  There are so many feelings and emotions swirling through my head that I find it hard to put into words.  This time in my life is like no other… the worries, the fear, the joy, the anticipation, the constant daydreaming about what life might be like in 6 short months.  Everything will change.  No matter how hard I try, the future is unimaginable.  

There are so many things in life that are so uncertain now… joining the Army, obtaining an advanced nursing degree, living the carefree city-life I’ve dreamed of without responsibility… but as soon as I imagine holding our child in my arms it all makes sense.  When I’m reminded of what we’ve been blessed with, I find myself without regret, without fear, without wondering what would life have been like had nothing changed.  I find myself anxious about the future, but anxious in the most joyful way I’ve ever known.  There really is no greater gift in life.

another cloth diaper giveaway:

8:37:00 AM Unknown 0 Comments

gonnabeamommy:

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